Being a father of four has taught me that raising children is not about having a perfect formula. Every child has a different personality, different strengths, different challenges, and a different way of seeing the world. What parents can provide is a foundation: values that remain steady while children grow, make mistakes, discover who they are, and eventually make their own decisions. For me, three values have always mattered deeply in that foundation: faith, humility, and confidence. I believe children need faith to give them perspective, humility to keep them grounded, and confidence to face life with courage. My perspective on these values has been shaped not only by being a husband and father, but also by my years working with young people through youth sports.
As a youth sports teacher and coach, I have had the privilege of watching young athletes develop from the sidelines and from the field. I have seen the excitement that comes with a great performance, but I’ve also seen the disappointment that comes with losing, making a mistake, sitting out, or realizing that something is harder than expected. Those experiences can teach children lessons that go far beyond sports. My responsibility on the field also includes serving as a safety officer, making sure the safety and wellbeing of the young people in my care remain a priority.
Before a child can learn how to compete, they need to know they are in an environment where adults take their health, safety, development, and wellbeing seriously.That responsibility has reinforced something I have come to believe strongly: raising confident children does not mean protecting them from every difficult experience. It means giving them the support and values they need to handle difficult experiences when they inevitably arrive.
Faith Gives Children a Foundation
My Christian faith has played an important role in my life and in the values I try to bring to my family and community. When I think about raising children with faith, I don’t think about giving them a list of answers for every situation they will encounter. Life is too complicated for that. I think about giving them a foundation that can help them find perspective when circumstances are uncertain.Children will eventually experience disappointment. They will have friendships that change, opportunities that don’t work out, difficult moments at school, failures on the playing field, and decisions that don’t produce the result they hoped for. Parents cannot remove every one of those experiences, and I don’t believe we should try.
Part of growing up is discovering that life will not always go according to plan.Faith can give a child something to hold onto when the outcome isn’t clear. It can teach gratitude when life is going well and perseverance when it isn’t. For me, faith has never meant knowing exactly what tomorrow will bring. It means trusting that there is purpose in continuing forward even when I cannot see the entire path.That philosophy is closely connected to the message behind The First to Rise. The book grew from my belief that adversity is not necessarily the end of a story. Sometimes it becomes the experience that teaches us how to approach the next chapter with greater strength, wisdom, and compassion. I want young people to understand that they do not need to have their entire future figured out. They need values strong enough to guide them as they discover it.
Humility Is One of the Most Important Lessons We Can Teach
Confidence is important, but confidence without humility can easily become something else. I want my children to believe in themselves, but I also want them to understand that believing in yourself does not mean believing you are better than everyone around you.Humility means being willing to listen. It means recognizing that other people have something to teach you. It means being able to say, “I was wrong,” without feeling that admitting a mistake makes you weak. It means being successful without making someone else feel small.Youth sports provide countless opportunities to teach this lesson. A young athlete might have an outstanding game one weekend and struggle the next. Someone who is usually one of the strongest players may suddenly make several mistakes. A team may win one week and lose badly the next. Those moments can become meaningful opportunities for personal development.Winning can teach a child something, but losing can teach them something too.
How do they respond to disappointment?
Do they blame their teammates?
Do they accept responsibility?
Do they congratulate the other team?
Do they listen to their coach?
Do they come back the following week ready to work?
Those behaviors tell us something about character that a scoreboard never can.As a coach and youth sports teacher, I believe the responsibility goes beyond teaching athletic skills. Young people are watching the adults around them. They notice how coaches react when things go wrong. They notice whether adults prioritize safety and wellbeing. They notice whether mistakes are treated as opportunities to learn or reasons to embarrass someone. They notice whether winning seems more important than respect.That is why being responsible for safety on the field matters so much to me. Children should have the opportunity to compete, challenge themselves, develop discipline, and learn from setbacks in an environment where their wellbeing comes first.
Confidence Comes From Experience
One of the most valuable things parents can give children is the opportunity to discover that they are capable.That doesn’t happen simply because we tell them they are capable. Real confidence often comes from doing something difficult, struggling with it, staying with it, and eventually realizing that they can do more than they thought.I have seen that process repeatedly through youth sports.
A child may struggle with a particular skill for weeks. Then, one day, something clicks. The child succeeds, and you can see the change immediately. It isn’t just that they performed the skill. They now have evidence that persistence can produce results. That kind of confidence is different from constant praise. It is earned confidence.As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from disappointment. I understand that instinct very well.
But there is a difference between keeping children safe and removing every challenge from their lives. Children need protection from genuine danger, which is one reason safety and wellbeing are so important in youth sports. At the same time, they need age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions, solve problems, experience reasonable challenges, and learn that mistakes can be corrected.Sometimes the best thing a parent can say is not, “I’ll fix it.”Sometimes it is, “What do you think you should do?”That question gives a child the opportunity to think.
Children Learn From What We Do
One of the humbling things about being a parent is realizing that children are always watching.They watch how we handle stress. They watch how we speak about other people. They watch whether we keep our promises. They watch what happens when we make a mistake. They watch how we respond when somebody disappoints us. They watch whether our actions match the values we talk about.As a father of four, I’ve become increasingly aware that parenting is not simply about giving advice. It is about example.We can tell children to work hard, but they need to see what hard work looks like. We can tell them to respect other people, but they need to see respect practiced at home. We can tell them that faith matters, but they need to see what faith looks like when circumstances are difficult. We can tell them to be humble, but they need to see us admit when we don’t have all the answers.That doesn’t mean parents have to be perfect. In fact, I think pretending to be perfect can teach children the wrong lesson. Children need to see that adults make mistakes too. What matters is what we do afterward.
Do we apologize?
Do we take responsibility?
Do we learn?
Do we try again?
Those are powerful lessons.
Fatherhood Changes the Meaning of Success
Before becoming a parent, it is easy to think about success primarily in terms of personal achievement. Career, financial goals, accomplishments, recognition, and other milestones can occupy a lot of attention.Fatherhood changes your perspective.You begin to think about the example you are leaving behind. You realize that the way you conduct yourself may influence someone else long after the immediate moment has passed. You become less concerned with simply telling your children what matters and more concerned with showing them.
My professional career, community involvement, youth coaching, and writing have all reinforced this idea. After more than 20 years as a mortgage professional, I have learned that people remember much more than the outcome of a transaction.
They remember whether you treated them with honesty and respect. They remember whether you communicated when things became difficult. They remember whether you kept your word.Those same principles matter in parenting.Trust is built through consistency.Character is demonstrated through actions.Leadership begins with responsibility.And these lessons are just as important at home as they are in a professional environment.
What I Hope Young People Take With Them
Through The First to Rise, I wanted to share a message that could reach young people as well as adults who may be going through difficult chapters of their own lives. I don’t want young people to believe that success means avoiding failure. I want them to understand that failure is part of learning and that one disappointing experience does not determine the rest of their lives.I also want them to understand that confidence and humility belong together. You can believe in yourself while respecting other people. You can pursue success without believing you are entitled to it. You can be competitive while still being a good teammate.
You can be ambitious while remaining grateful for the people who helped you along the way.Most importantly, I want young people to know that they have the ability to rise after difficult moments.That is a lesson I have tried to live myself, and it is a message that runs throughout The First to Rise. Life will challenge us. None of us can guarantee our children a life without disappointment, failure, uncertainty, or hardship. What we can give them is something more lasting: values, faith, perspective, encouragement, and the confidence to face whatever comes next.
For me, raising children with faith, humility, and confidence is ultimately about preparing them for a life they will eventually have to navigate on their own. As a father of four, as someone who works with young athletes, as a safety officer responsible for their wellbeing on the field, and as the author of The First to Rise, I have come to believe that the greatest gift we can give the next generation isn’t a guarantee that life will be easy.It is the belief that they are capable of meeting life as it comes.With faith when the road is uncertain. With humility when things go well. With confidence when things become difficult. And with enough resilience to rise, learn, and keep moving forward.
